More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
