where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
this will be a night to untag.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
