Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
