eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
