Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
