If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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