hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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