the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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