He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're breaking my sexual little heart
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize