i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
