listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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