I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
