I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
