franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
