Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
