trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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