did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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