as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
