after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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