why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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