I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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