how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
