he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
