I'm jealous of your bromance
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
