I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
