Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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