I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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