The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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