remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
