Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
