So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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