I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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