nut hugger
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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