dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
