So drunk its hurt
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
