No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
