I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dicks are not precious.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
