I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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