mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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