I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
