Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
