There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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