She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
