mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
