A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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