just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
