I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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