goodnight i made you a song goodbye
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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