She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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