There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
