It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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