do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
