And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
