While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
