Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
