Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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