JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
