Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
