I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
