Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
