i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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