I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
