i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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