the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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