His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
