Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
