absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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