i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
