and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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