will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
