When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
