You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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