The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
