You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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