i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
