Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
