so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
