why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
