Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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