the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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