Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
