I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
