so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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