I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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