Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
