OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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