my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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