We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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