Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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