Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
