watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
