No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
