he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize