i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
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