The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
