i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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