Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm too high and old for this...
I supernannyed him into submission
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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