We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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