you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
dude. I can hear the air.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
