i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i've created a new STD.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
