Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
