Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
