Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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